Going to agree with Nightmist66 here - I think you can get that cover off. And you are going to need to. Might have to loosen the motor mounts and jack/lift it up on that side to rock it a few degrees. Its a Cammer, so you can remove the cams pretty easily compared to a wedge motor.
Hate to hear that both sides are dry. My workaround is easiest on the driver side. I had a customer SOHC that had a habit of eating cam bearings on the driver's side after time. After having it happen to me I decided to see why. Took the valve covers off, reinstalled the spark plugs/tubes and ran it without them. Passenger side threw a huge amount of oil out but the driver's side stayed about the same as on the drill - just a drool from each rocker. This was a factory block and head combination. I can promise folks that the chains do not require any extra oiling - it sent a spray across the fenders and onto the walls at 3000 RPM.
I put an AN fitting to the oil filter adapter and ran a piece of braided up to a bulkhead connector mounted to the fuel pump block off plate. inside the plate I mounted and routed a piece of bent up 1/4" steel tubing (needs to be pretty convoluted to clear sprockets and chains) to connect to the head's front 1/4" NPT oil galley plug. We now have plenty of oil and the car gets driven around all over Michigan and Ohio. I took a line from the rear plug across to the rear plug on the other side'd head to connect them, but that might be impossible on your installation depending on access to the rear of the block. You might need to go through the front cover on the passenger side.
A whole bunch of unanswered questions here still. But steel cams can often be repolished and repaired, and rockers can definitely be rebuilt - so all is not as bad as it seems dollar-wise. Even if you do end up removing the engine for the repair.