I shamelessly pirated the following jokes from the bullet - Jay
NUDITY
I was driving with my three young children one
warm summer evening when a woman in the convertible
ahead of us stood up and waved. She was stark naked!
As I was reeling from the shock, I heard my
5-year-old shout from the back seat, "Mom! That lady
isn't wearing a seat belt!"
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HONESTY
My son Zachary, 4, came screaming out of the
bathroom to tell me he'd dropped his toothbrush in
the toilet. So I fished it out and threw it in the
garbage. Zachary stood there thinking for a moment,
then ran to my bathroom and came out with my
toothbrush. He held it up and said with a charming
little smile, "We better throw this one out too
then, 'cause it fell in the toilet a few days ago.
-----
OPINIONS
On the first day of school, a first-grader handed
his teacher a note from his mother. The note read,
"The opinions expressed by this child are not
necessarily those of his parents."
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KETCHUP
A woman was trying hard to get the ketchup to come
out of the bottle. During her struggle the phone
rang so she asked her 4-year-old daughter to answer
the phone. "It's the minister, Mommy," the child
said to her mother.. Then she added, "Mommy can't
come to the phone to talk to you right now. She's
hitting the bottle."
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MORE NUDITY
A little boy got lost at the YMCA and found
himself in the women's locker room. When he was
spotted, the room burst into shrieks, with ladies
grabbing towels and running for cover. The little
boy watched in amazement and then asked, "What's the
matter haven't you ever seen a little boy before?"
-----
POLICE # 1
While taking a routine vandalism report at an
elementary school, I was interrupted by a little
girl about 6 years old. Looking up and down at my
uniform, she asked, "Are you a cop?" Yes," I
answered and continued writing the report. "My
mother said if I ever needed help I should ask the
police. Is that right?" "Yes, that's right," I told
her. "Well, then," she said as she extended her foot
toward me, "would you please tie my shoe?"
-----
POLICE # 2
It was the end of the day when I parked my police
van in front of the station. As I gathered my
equipment, my K-9 partner, Jake, was barking, and I
saw a little boy staring in at me. "Is that a dog
you got back there?" he asked. "It sure is," I
replied. Puzzled, the boy looked at me and then
towards the back of the van. Finally he said,
"What'd he do?"
-----
ELDERLY
While working for an organization that delivers
lunches to elderly shut-ins, I used to take my
4-year-old daughter on my afternoon rounds. She was
unfailingly intrigued by the various appliances of
old age, particularly the canes, walkers and
wheelchairs. One day I found her staring at a pair
of false teeth soaking in a glass. As I braced
myself for the inevitable barrage of questions, she
merely turned and whispered,
"The tooth fairy will never believe this!"
-----
DRESS-UP
A little girl was watching her parents dress for a
party. When she saw her dad donning his tuxedo, she
warned, "Daddy, you shouldn't wear that suit." "And
why not, darling?" "You know that it always gives
you a headache the next morning."
-----
SCHOOL
A little girl had just finished her first week of
school. "I'm just wasting my time," she said to her
mother. "I can't read, I can't write and they won't
let me talk!"
-----
BIBLE
A little boy opened the big family bible. He was
fascinated as he fingered through the old pages.
Suddenly, something fell out of the Bible. He picked
up the object and looked at it. What he saw was an
old leaf that had been
pressed in between the pages. "Mama, look what I
found", the boy called out." What have you got
there, dear?" With astonishment in the young boy's
voice, he answered, "I think it's Adam's underwear!
