FE Power Forums
FE Power Forums => Non-FE Discussion Forum => Topic started by: jayb on December 24, 2016, 11:22:09 AM
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Let's hear 'em. I'll start.
When my wife and I got married in 1992, it was clear that her aunt was not fond of me. Also, she was a notorious re-gifter. First Christmas after we were married, my mother in law was sick and asked the aunt to pick out a gift for me, from her. I received a small, dusty Tupperware container. I'm sure it came out of the back of one of the aunt's kitchen cabinets. I actually still have that one, use it to soak grease off bolts. Trying to make the best of the situation.
The next year, from the aunt, I got a CD of harp music. Obviously she wanted me dead and playing the harp.
Several years later, my wife's grandfather passed away. He was quite a character, also dressing in the same blue leisure suit and yellow striped tie at any family gathering. The day after he died the aunt and her husband drove 300 miles and started rooting through his house, grabbing everything in sight. The next Christmas, I got the dead man's tie! They buried him in the leisure suit or I would have got that too.
Top that, you guys... ;D ;D
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Jay that one is hard to beat. I can't even try, but I had one of those aunts too. The look on your face would have been priceless.. How did your wife react?
I had 2 Aunts who never had kids and the odd gifts always came from them.. One aunt had been to Africa and had brought back souvenir gifts for her nephews for Xmas.. We were in our teen years in the early 70s. Imagine our shock when we opened the gifts and found 3 identical trucker wallets made out of elephant hide.. Damn, yeah I am going to show that off to my buddies. They even had an odd gamey smell on them.. We laugh every time it comes up..
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Can't top yours Jay ... but , back in around 1980 to 81 my girl friend that I had dated for a couple years invited me to one of the family's Christmas dinner , afterwards her great grandma gave me a kiss and slipped her tongue in my mouth ..... later I told my girl friend that when her grandma gave me a kiss she slipped her tongue in my mouth , she laughed and told me her grammy does that every now and then when she's had some wine to drink....lol
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Jay, I just read your story to my wife, we started laughing hysterically till we were crying lol... What a mental picture..It makes it all the more humorous because we both have relatives who would be capable of that..
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Eric. That's disgusting, man. I'm gonna puke.
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I got a piece of ass and a sweater- and they were both too big :o
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i got a yo one time for xmas when i was a boy.my brother got one too so we put them together and we had us a yo-yo
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Top that, you guys... ;D ;D
Careful what you ask for. I had a fairly small group of relatives that got fragmented early on. Near as I can figure it, it's been 33 or 34 years since I've had a Thanksgiving or Christmas dinner with a group of people. Presents? Ha! From who?
At this time of the year I send a donation to Wikipedia and SomaFM. On Christmas day, while millions of people who think they are oh-so-kind to throw a buck at the guy on the freeway offramp get together and pork out, I will be eating nothing all day, to commiserate with those who truly have nothing. The key here is to keep busy all day, so I picked up 80 of the 400 6" pickets going up, to paint two coats on each side before installation.
What doesn't kill me makes me...
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Mad?
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Sounds like you need to give her a really nice gift to make her feel like the Grinch she really is. Worst gift? No call from son on Christmas, birthday, or 50th anniversary. Joe-JDC
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Mad?
He must be a south pole elf.....
Sorry to hear that Joe. Don't ever give me your phone number, I'll be calling you all the time to ask strange air flow questions.
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Mad?
Stronger. Never mad. Anger distracts from focus. If I could go back and have a big family and get married and have kids and get entrapped in the status quo, I would choose instead to repeat the situation I lived through. OK, I'd collect more FE parts earlier on, but that's a different category.
Despite appearances, I am really low stress. Putting up this fence without catching a cold is my biggest challenge at this time. Oh boo hoo. The constant drama that relatives and the opposite gender can interject in one's life is not for me.
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Mad?
He must be a south pole elf.....
Yes, and soon the rumors of the alien ship buried beneath the ice will be proven REAL and my kind will burst forward and smite those whining SJW's and force Ford to produce new GT500's in quantities sufficient to keep prices nice and low. Yep, payback's a bitch.
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OK, I'm gonna give youse guys the most valuable Christmas gift ever. That's right; a lesson on how to be a Real Man. A dying and almost dead breed; the elixir pertinent to Making America Great Again. Play this for your friends and family this weekend. If they object to the language tell them to grow a pair. Females, too. Tell them I said so. Make Real Men out of Real Boys or we are all finished.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=K1vZq3bTS_Y
Toodles!
Oops; forgot the Christmas music. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NsiOfpYdXUk
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My mother in law gave me 2 boxes of 357 SIG. I needed 357 Magnum.
Hard to be jolly...when you're running low on ammo! :-\
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I tried and i tried but i cant top the dead mans tie LOL
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As a 12 year old kid, three days before Christmas in 1981, I broke a leg roller skating......yea, I was a klutz. Released from the hospital on Christmas Eve. Being tied to a pair of crutches makes the dirt bike me and my brother got on Christmas morning my worst gift. It got 6-8 weeks of abuse from my brother before I could get a turn.
The tie story will be hard to beat.
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Eric. That's disgusting, man. I'm gonna puke.
Brent , she had the back of my head in her hand , I couldn't get away ...lol
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For xmas I bought myself a new laptop with windows 10. I think a dead man's tie would have been less frustrating overall.
Of course I don't think I've worn a tie since the 90's, so.....
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Eric. That's disgusting, man. I'm gonna puke.
Brent , she had the back of my head in her hand , I couldn't get away ...lol
Yeaaa sure ;D ;D
Reminds me of the first time i met my wifes stepmother and she fondled my
package and asked me if there was anything she could offer me ???
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Well, I have to clean this up a little.
My sister in law gave my wife and I a blanket with a full-sized picture of ME in uniform
The picture was relatively cool and good to remember my time as the commander, but who would have pictured that as a blanket LOL
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That is interesting and spooky Ross. My parents gave me an assortment of mouse pads with pictures of them and their house.
I think photobucket had a sale that year. Ole ma never could pass up 10% off.....
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Eric. That's disgusting, man. I'm gonna puke.
Brent , she had the back of my head in her hand , I couldn't get away ...lol
Ever heard of a sucker punch? :)
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This - today from my sister-in-law's family. The thing that made it painful was unwrapping it in front of 20 family members and then having to field all of the questions.. :-X :-X
(https://i.imgsafe.org/03319e0695.jpg)
It seems my wife told them a story about me blowing up the bathroom one time.
Now I'll have to load up on cheap Mexican and live up to my reputation next time I visit their house! The gloves are off at my house too >:( >:(
(https://i.imgsafe.org/033d1792a5.jpg)
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Ouch Bill! ;D ;D ;D Thanks for the chuckle, I need to get one of those for my wife's aunt...
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Come on Jay... you've got a chicken coup, surely you can do better.
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So I hate that I know this, but my wife and I watched a TV show on the Poo-pourri concept.
Apparently it floats and seals the surface of the water. The target market was "pretty girls" who don't want people to know their growlers stink :)
Go to a party, leave a present, but no need to spray the room and let people know you are a human being, because as you drop, it blocks dissipation of the stank ROFL
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Thanks for the chuckle boys ;D
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last time we were camping, I was bitchin about my pocket knife. Now you gotta understand my knife is just that figuratively. It's more of a screw driver, pry bar thingy. Can't even cut butter. So yesterday wifey gives me a new one. Now this thing is about a pound & if you hold it just right looks like a 9mm. Some kind of tactical, survival doomsdayer thing. Right away I see the red dot safety lever on the side. Can't seem to get the thing open, so I slide the safety lever to expose the red dot. Now we are getting somewhere. Hey what is the thing sticking up on the front edge that looks like a front sight of a gun? So I am dicking with that when all of a sudden, snap! The blade flys open putting a nice one inch, bone deep cut in my left thumb. Looked like the sat. night live skit. You know the one I mean. Blood everywhere. Wifey tapes it up & now it just is thumpin like a tuners stereo. Next year I know I'll get 16 pocket knives just so everyone hopes for a replay.
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Man! At least I only received emotional wounds, not physical :o
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I too had in-law problems. My ex-wife's mother was not too fond of me. Actually, she didn't like anything about me, including how I dressed. Most of all she hated, I mean hated, a pair of surfing shorts I had. They were colorful but not too loud, mostly shades of red and yellow. Well, on my ex's and my second Christmas together, I got a present just from her mother. It was a pair of short she sewed as a joke just for me. The most awful gaudy floral pattern you have ever seen. No tailoring, a quick stitch up the sides and crotch. With the draw string, looked like a bag. She laughed and laughed at my expense in front of the whole family. That was the last time she ever laughed in my presence. From then on, every time they would come to visit (they were from NY, we were in CO), I would wear those shorts. Wearing them at the Christmas dinner table with my J Geils Love Stinks t-shirt would send her into orbit. It would also shut her up for the entire meal. Revenge is best served with a big 'Kiss my ass'.
Does that beat a dusty Tupperware bowl?
Edit: Found them:
(https://s5.postimg.org/46alt3q1z/WIN_20161228_10_16_58_Pro.jpg)
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LOL! OK, you beat the Tupperware bowl, and maybe the harp music CD. But not the dead man's tie ;D
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Yeah, You got me on the tie. That's just creepy. Sleep with one eye open stuff.
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Jay hopefully you will play that harp CD out in the shop next time JC and I visit.. It would be nice background music to that FE screaming in the dyno cell
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Well, a gift I gave another- GF's sister (there are four girls total, only one is defective) I nicknamed Grumpy Cat- thinks she's hot stuff :o injected boobs etc, but as soon as she opens her mouth, NO WAY. So for Christmas I got her the Grumpy Cat book. Their mom (90) saw it an laughed her butt off, says hey that's you!!! and stole the book and took it home. So Grumpy bitched and snarked for a few days, so she got a visit from my stuffed skunk, got a pretty good holler and dammit out of that. Then I hung a rubber tarantula in her shower curtain so it would pop out on entry- REALLY got some hollerin' on that one- and bitchandbitchandbitch about everything. GF helped out by moving all the laser-aligned stuff in the pantry, and the OCD alarm went off LOUDLY. Coupe de grace, she got a visit from the Toilet Monster (search)- you've heard of a blood-curdling scream, well, I've heard it now- even ran out of breath and gurgled at the end. Now she doesn't speak to me, which is my Christmas present to myself lol...
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Ya know Gene..... I think we'd get along just fine.
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Now i remember....It was a dayglow green mankini from
my sister in law and a budda statue :o :o :o