I used to get a little irritated when my stepson had his phone out but latter learned he was taking a lot of pictures of us and projects we were working on.
In my opinion, like many of you, we are not so much cramped for time in our easy, convenient modern life style as we think. I believe due to our electronic devices and unbalanced time spent on entertainment that we simply end up spending too much time with them and in turn feel cramped trying to get the important things done. I strived to spend more time with my family by spending less time on my own projects and at times saying no my employer. Although there were times when I was hypocritical, I can look back and not regret that I neglected my responsibility as a father or was selfish with my time.
I do not have the right to tell you dad's how to raise your children nor am I condiming anyone that, as I have, works long hours to provide. However I am in a position of experience that I hope no parent ever has to be in.
I had my child late in life, and am a retired stay at home dad with a 9 yr old daughter. One of the things I do, that I believe is REALLY valuable to both her and I, is I DO NOT pick her up from school in the car, I walk to pick her up, and we walk home together. We get off the busy streets and take quiet side streets, and we cut through a heavily forested park on the way home,,even though it means walking farther. The reason I believe this is so important is, it gives us time together immediately after school, where my attention is completely focused on her, nothing else. We talk about what happened in school, and if there have been problems with another child or something has pissed her off, it gives me the opportunity to talk to her in depth about how she could possibly resolve or deal with those issues in a constructive way, and if that isn't going to work, how to avoid taking on or internalizing other people's "issues". We spend time talking about nature, beauty, the importance of quiet time for introspection, and on and on.
The reasons for this are two-fold, it helps her learn to deal with conflicts and problems without having them take her over and rent space in her head, and in my opinion, more important, it shows her in a very real and concrete way that what she thinks and feels matters to me, and I am going to take the time to listen, and make the effort to understand.
I FREQUENTLY find myself having a conversation with other parents on the schoolyard that comment on how she seems to talk to me and tell me how she really feels and thinks about things, and I try to gently explain to them that its because when she talks to me, I listen and engage. I also find that I often know more about what THEIR kids are going through than they do themselves, this is because their kids talk more to my daughter than they do to their own parents.
Many times, I see these same parents, their children will approach them and try to talk about their problems, and the parents are too busy on their phones to listen. They pretend they are listening, but they are scrolling and texting the entire time, and the kids are VERY much aware that this is what they are doing, and their voices trail off and go quiet, and the kid walks away, with no meaningful feedback or interaction from the parent, other than a "yes" or "no". If you can't be bothered to listen go your child when they are 8 or 9, what the he'll makes you think they are going to come to YOU when they have a problem at 14 or 15?
Personally, I don't own a phone, I don't use Facebook or Twitter, or any of this other garbage, and I don't even post on here that much. This isn't because I am a luddite, or anti-technology, I have been using the internet since the eighties. Karl Marx said that religion was the opiate of the masses, but he was unable to see the arrival of personal electronics. And now, for many MANY people, the phone is their new God, their parent figure, their lover, and their best friend all rolled into one. It is changing us as a species, changing the way we relate to each other, isolating us, and totally disengaging us from each other. Stop and think about the ramifications of that for us as a species, and what it means for the future of democracy, and for civilization at large.
